Shaquille O'Neal
Phil took us to the finals three out of the five years and you want to fire him and want to bring in Mike Krzyzewski? Come on, man. That's like being married to J-Lo, then dropping J-Lo for a girl that's 5-10, 480.
I'll take 14 out of 15 any day of the week, any week of the month, any month of the year, any year of the century. I don't know what comes after century.
In this millennium that we live in, the "Hack-a-Shaq" has proven not to work. It might work a couple games every now and then, but when it comes to the playoffs or a championship series, it doesn't work - not at all.
Our offense is like the Pythagorean Theorem. There is no answer.
We're focusing on the whole pie, not a slice. A slice is good, but it's not good enough to get you fat. We're trying to get fat.
Me having a beautiful wife and great family and friends around me, all the money I've got, all the things that I've got, a Ferrari that I just ripped the top off of and turned into a convertible, the rings I got, the two mansions on the water, a master's in criminal justice, I'm a cop, plus I look good. So me shooting 40 percent at the foul line is just God's way of saying that nobody's perfect. If I shot 90 percent from the line, it just wouldn't be right.
That game was dedicated to Rick Adelman. I'm at home, in the bathroom, trying to take a dump, flipping through the channels and he's complaining about how I'm stepping over the line. I can't even do a No. 2 in peace. I'm sitting there grunting at 12:30 at night. Can I go one day without somebody saying something negative about me?
But can't nobody fuck with me. I'm like toilet paper, Pampers and toothpaste. I'm definitely proven to be effective.
I don't know how it is for you earthlings, but where I'm from, strength is mental.
I'm just getting better and better. It's just like a bunch of worker bees protecting the king bee, because I'm not a queen bee. I'm a king bee.
I knew I was dog meat. Luckily, I'm the high-priced dog meat that everybody wants. I'm the good-quality dog meat. I'm the Alpo of the NBA.
I am Superman. And the only thing that can kill Superman is Kryptonite. And Kryptonite doesn't exist.
I'm tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.
I'm like tax. You're going to pay one way or the other.
Referring to the way that Miami Heat fans have enthusiastically embraced him. That has nothing to do with basketball. That's just because I'm sexy.
Referring to starting a snowball fight with teammates at Denver's airport. Being that I'm a tropical black man I don't get to see much snow. When I see snow I go crazy. That's why they call me Sasquatch. There's no Sasquatch found in the snow so I had to go back to my Sasquatchian roots.
If I'm trying to impress someone, I take them to either the 30-car garage, the indoor basketball court or the five-room guest house that leads out to a 20-foot pool -- aka, Shaqapulco.
Yeah, have fun over there. And if you see any of my Irish cousins, tell 'em I said, 'Shiver me timbers,' or something like that.
Being married, I don't want interplay or foreplay with another man. You say, 'Hi, how you doing?' and you keep moving.
I had an awful first quarter, but I picked it up. To all you single guys out there, it's not how you start the date; it's how you finish the date.
It was a weird game. There was ugly shooting and a lot of turnovers and mistakes, and we were just fortunate to get the win. I should have done better, but it was just a very ugly and weird game. I knew the game was going to be an ugly game when I saw those three guys [the officials] at the scorer's table. Ugly people call ugly games.
I endorse only products I actually use. Like Wheaties keeps offering me money, but I don't eat Wheaties, so I can't do it. Now, if Rice Krispies or Frosted Flakes offered me a deal, I'd take it right away. Apple Jacks, I'd be on the box in a heartbeat. Apple Shaqs. Yeah.
Last time I looked at a check, I said to myself, "Who the hell is FICA?" And when I meet him, I'm going to punch him in the face. Oh my God, FICA is killing me.
The East is going to be pretty easy for me. The Great Chest of the West becomes the Great Beast of the East.
If you go 72-11 and don't win [the championship], it doesn't mean anything. Actually it does. It means you've cheated and played an extra regular-season game.